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Monday, March 14, 2011

mini celebration for vacation!

I'm having this idea in my head for a mini vacation soon. I can't seem to shake it loose and the more it creeps up and presents itself to me randomly, the more excited I am getting at the simple prospect of it.





In the month of September, my lover and I will take our yearly vacation to the caribbean, where we will rent a private villa for the week and bask in the warm sun and each others bodies. I am beyond stoked about getting away, yet in doing so I'm also hoping that the summer passes quickly....and I LOVE summer! This is one of those few times I will just have to be patient.

So anyhow, I have this little idea ^_^. My lovers friend called earlier to ask if we'd like to go horseback riding in two weeks. Of course I would adore going, however I think my dear would prefer not to as he will make a point of the ride being...ahem...uncomfortable. I have not ridden in years and so between the two of us we will have to try to talk him into it, his friend is wanting to spend more time with my love and do things together for couples (his girlfriend and him, with us). I like what he is trying to push forward, and if my lover had more time....it would be easier to achieve.

Anyhow, so it's left to use up our private weekends to be able to do things like this. Just the other day I was thinking about taking a "mini vacation". Maybe going to the beach one weekend or maybe camping (MAYBE...I am terrified of the woods...freakin serial killers out there I know it...). Who knows, but it dawned on me last night that there is something I used to have fun doing and have not done in quite a while.

When I was about 18 or so I would take trips to haunted hotels or places and visit them. Most of my friends did not want to partake in these events with me as they were scared of ghosts and whatnot but I just loved it. You mix real history with scary things and wow, you got me. So I'd find new interesting places and travel to them, stay the weekend and make sure it was one of the spots I hit in that city. There are quite a few places around us that have made it to the top 100 most haunted places list that I think we could easily visit one weekend. My lover is just as interested in scary movies and things like this as I am, and when his friend was on the phone I rememberd that he also loved haunted houses, so now...I have the perfect company to go with!! I am thrilled to bring this little idea to the table tonight and see what my lover thinks. We both enjoy our weekends so much together that it can sometimes be hard to want to share them with other people, but I don't want us to become too closed off from everyone else. We wrap ourselves in each other so tightly that we gladly smother each other into complete seclusion. While it bothers neither of us, I doubt it's very healthy.

Speaking of health...I went to the dr last week. I didn't mention making the appointment or going because it was something I was terrified of. I had a hard time even speaking of it to my lover, and even then I really couldn't express the depth of my terror and the way it made me feel as if the world stopped at that moment.

I found a lump in my breast about two weeks ago, one that was most painful and had been there actually a bit longer. I've known about it for maybe four months, but the pain would come and go and I would pray for it to only be caused by the bra I was wearing. Well, it finally started hurting and wouldn't stop becoming so sensitive that I had to face the facts that I needed to make an appointment and find out what it was. The day of going to the dr, I was a wreck. There was some old talkative man trying to strike up a conversation with me in the waiting room, and I couldn't even speak to him, so I only shook my head. I don't really care if he thought I was rude...well truly he should be happy I didn't speak, I felt he was an idiot anyhow for everything he had said prior to the other people in the room.

ANYWAYS. I told the dr everything, from when it started to how it felt and got my exam. I'm waiting now for my call to know when my mammogram is scheduled for, as he said I would still need to get one and find out what is going on for sure. It wasn't what I feared it to be at all, and might just be something related to my hormones or even the kind of coffee I am drinking (weird huh?). He told me to try switching to a regular coffee instead of our beloved espresso and cut down to only one cup in the morning (we drink two cups of espresso daily) and see if it didn't completely stop the pain and make the lump go away. If that didn't help, then it might just be hormone related or a cyst, which the mammogram will tell me. It definitely was not a tumor though, for which I'm thankful for. I have not tried cutting down my coffee consumption yet as I refuse to waste the rest of this beautiful espresso in our cannister, so when I am done I will switch to hawaiin kona coffee and leave off after my cup in the morning. I'm a little unhappy about this though, as I love it....I just do.

I think maybe it helps to kill my appetite. Back in the day when I was modeling, I would drink coffee most of the day and never eat anything. I remained rail thin and could eat anything for dinner that I desired and never gain an ounce of fat. Now I'm less active, but still managing to maintain my specific weight. I fear if I cut out coffee later in the day then I will become hungry. I hate changing certain habits I have always had, but maybe I can find something else that is better to try....I just won't like it in the beginning heh.

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