I have to admit that being back the feeling in the air is quite different, and a number of things have changed. It's almost like he decided to finally wake up from the dream he was having and see clearly what was in front of him. I'm happy and sad, yesterday I found myself having difficulties to shake the memory of the despair I felt the day I left.
We have a very close and strong bond between us, that day left me in shock greater than I can describe with words. He says he was angry and had no idea what he was thinking, only that he was following that anger to a place he had no desire to return. Seeing now that he does in fact love me and wants to marry me badly has etched an appreciative look on his face every time he turns to me. I feel loved, I am well loved.
There are other things happening now that I feel bad for. I know my place however and I will do nothing to stop it besides stand beside my lover in each decision he makes and back him up completely. It only bothers me for my part in it, the fact that my name pops up each time it is discussed with family, and though I'm very quick to want to defend myself I can't do it this once.
Speaking of defending myself...an odd thing happened last weekend. My ex and my lovers ex are cousins. We'll call his ex moomoo because quite honestly I don't really know how else to describe her and I don't really like her either. Women play too many games and then try to come off honest, but I always see her real intentions clearly and without the fog of hopes. Anyhow, moomoos mother and her twin sister (my ex's mother) decided to have a picture cut up party of myself and my ex. Ok, I find this strange on a number of levels how after all of this time they would still even have those pictures to begin with and also how vindictive the situation felt. My ex screwed me over in the worst possible way. He took money from me letting me help him get started (gas, clothes, smokes, going out, etc) and cheated and lied to me the entire time he was with me. When summer was approaching, him and my childrens father decided to start in on me together to send my children to visit their dad despite that I knew how evil he could be and worried that he would be vengeful. In the end, I agreed to a three week visit. This visit would help me to work extra hours at my job, and at the end of the vacation I would take the weekend to go with my ex to the beach (paid for by me of course). There were a few things going on also like I wanted to move and whatnot that also took up the middle lines in all of this. So, my more recent ex decides to have his say and tell me how great it would be if they went and that he would spend more time at my home and think of moving in with me (he was having some huge problems at home so I made the offer thinking it would help him, because the extra cost surely wouldn't help me) so I agreed on the thought that this would be the first time their dad was able to see my youngest and also hoping that he had changed. How wrong I was....
On my way back I was confronted with a number of phone calls. One being that I could not have my children back period (great....court....awesome), and two being from my ex's mother trying to spin a story to me about where my ex was that he couldn't be there for me when I had to tell him this awful news. I couldn't find him for a few days. When I eventually did everything went wrong. My car was taken from me (never cosign on a car with anyone and make payments to them....they might just take the payments for their own car if they lose their job and never tell you anything different), my power was shut off (I had given my ex the money to pay it but he had went out and spent it instead), my children were gone, and now I had to move somehow with no help. He decided to stop talking to me flat out after finally getting him on the phone one night and cussing him for disappearing with my power bill money. I get moved, I decide to say to hell with him, and then find out I'm pregnant. Great!!!!! More lovely things to go on.
Of course I called him, I wanted him to help pay for this. In the end, there was no need. I didn't carry the baby to term. The week after this had happened was my first date with lover. It was randomly put together and quickly decided but it was something both of us were interested in and so we did it. We've been together since.
Anyhow, his mothers part in all of this would amaze you. She told me alot of lies also but on the hope that her son would stop being such a jerk and do the right thing to someone who obviously cared for him. Nope, never happened. So why is she spending her Friday night drinking and cutting up my pictures while viciously slandering my good name? No idea....it's just....weird. Ok so, it gets even stranger. They decide to involve my lovers children in the activity and call them up there to cut up MY pictures. There is something so tainted and rank about this that I was very angry when I found out. They came bounding out of the house telling their father what they had just done confused about how they should feel about it. Both of his children love me and think good things about me, so why is it all of a sudden their grandparents feel they should involve them in something that would confuse them so? I sent my ex's mother an email, a nasty one. I don't think someone so bent on warping childrens minds should be around them period. If she has something she'd like to say, bring it to the damn table. I don't get off on cut throat methods, but I will not be dragged through the mud and do nothing of it. My lover is taking a step back while I handle my own, because this....this is something I want to do.
MooMoo herself has decided long ago to leave off with battles with me, mainly because I cut very deeply if you take a stab at me, I will always return three fold. I personally don't feel that my name should ever come up in their arguements nor should she ever have any reason to bash me period. But she made the mistake of taking jabs at my children once and well...she found out it's probally better not to drop my name anymore. I have heard her doing it recently however, though this time I've decided to take a back seat since my lover was in a situation where he couldn't really fight with her too much. I hate him feeling like that, I'm only glad he doesn't have to anymore. And now, the field is open should she feel the need to drop names again. Bring it on because I am anxiously waiting...
I think that's enough said, I just wanted to get it out there that my lover and I are doing very well despite the few glitches in the way (I suppose I'll bring that up next time). It's a beautiful day outside and though I feel I've slept through most of it I'm going to see if I can't get myself out in some of this sun today :)
No comments:
Post a Comment