I got to meet my comanager yesterday and I have to say I'm thrilled to get to work with someone who has the same mindset as myself. Both of our techniques compliment the others, and our background experience is so similar it's crazy. So we're both on the same page before being on the same page, funny huh? He's a much older man though and I'm happy to say my lover finds no threat in him whatsoever. I'd feel quite put out if he was young and handsome, because since I am going to be working with him and in contact with him so often I know it'd cause a problem for my dear.
He's out of town again this week, and the lonliness leaves me reeling. There is nobody in my home that I can joke with, nobody to argue and go from loving to hating within the hour. I also don't have anytime with my work schedule recently to have juju stay with me, which breaks my heart. I've made a few trips to see him but it does not take the place of cuddling up next to him at night and smelling his sweet baby breath when nestled up next to me. My little guy is such a sweetheart. When I went to my mothers a few days ago he spent the entire first two hours staying solely in my arms. He hugged me about ten times and I've never been kissed so much in my life. He shared his secrets with me, and sang a new song (I hate missing things like this) only for me complete with his one of a kind hand gestures.
I feel very unhealthy lately. I'm not sure why but I'm getting the opinion that it's something that has changed that I won't ever get back. I have to wonder if it's just age. Being 30 years old feels like it should just be the same as always, but I swear to you since my birthday I've noticed many things happening. For one, I want to take naps recently, and when I do I always wake up with a slight headache and the feeling of a fog obscuring my thought process. I hate taking naps and always have, so waking up not feeling any better makes me a little irritated. The thing with the swelling in my legs is also something completely new to me. I don't have diabetes or anything like that (my dr assures me I'm healthy, just starting to get older and needing to adjust to the changes I didn't realize were happening), but with age and no exercise comes it's own set of consequences. I'm still thin and youthful looking thank god, but when in the next ten years will that start to decline? I'm terrified of getting older for the first time in my life.
I'm going to make a plan of action as soon as this big reopen thing at my job is over and I have my set schedule. I'm going to always be the morning person so I'll have my afternoons free. I fully intend to set aside some of that time to at least go on a power walk daily. I also fully plan to drink more water (well...I actually have been since I've been working funny enough) and take a vitamin every day. I try to now but...I am the worst person to remember to take any kind of pills. That is why birth control never works for me, I'm by far too forgetful.
I've also been having some pretty random dreams lately. I have to wonder if it's just from being alone so much the past two weeks. I've dreamed twice of two of my ex's, one being that my childrens father was trying to once again force me into a position I didn't want to be in by demanding I do something and then arguing with me until I was not permitted to move off the sofa, the other was that of someone else far away. I can't really control my dreams or who is in them, but I do hate having people pop up in my thoughts that I feel guilty for being there. My lover likes to bring the one up if we argue, because of course I'll have to say something like "I don't want a man that does this or that, I need a man that does this instead" and of course he'll come back with, "so what, you going to leave? Are you going to call up Mr D and see if he can't do it better for you?". It's so harsh. The past is the past I know, but it still has that haunting effect on occasion.
Speaking of ex's, my lovers has been awful good lately. It puts me on edge like she's planning something. I know he always hopes that eventually they can have a normal cordial relationship that only extends to being polite when he gets his children, but she likes to throw random things that he doesn't pick up on in the mix too often. For example, she was asking about if I was going to move with him when we moved. Of course I'm going with him, what kind of idiot question is that? We've been living together, so naturally we'll move together. I know her idea was to put the thought in his head that she is interested in this specific kind of question relating to his relationship, because she also asked him how our relationship was doing.
He doesn't get how females work though. He refuses to admit to himself that she sometimes likes to throw in comments or actions to get his attention, until it blows up in his face. Another example, after this happened and he told me about his weird incident, I told him what it meant. Of course he didn't believe me, not until they got into an arguement which started from the fact that she was calling more often for stupid little things, and would want to know personally what he was doing with his time and how he was. I won't go into details but it's safe to say that I was right. She always has an agenda and will run over him or her own children if it betters her own means and she gets what she wants in the end. I hate people like this, I detest them. I especially hate anyone that is willing to use a child for nefarious purposes. No adult in this world has the right to make fun of someones child, and I think they are more sick because of it.
It is this reason, and her apparent lack of human decency when talking about juju, that I will never have any respect or care for her. I will be coldly decent to her in all of our dealings, and will never go out of my way to help her. If I saw her stranded on the side of the road, I might actually litter in hopes that whatever I threw out of the window will find it's target on her.
Stupid girl...ugh! So lastly, my haircolor has finally returned to normal. It's the same brownish red that I've had since dindins birth. I'm not too crazy about it because it's in between but...oh well. I might consider dying it again next year. I'm thinking....blonde? It's been a while... :)
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